I get a text from my sister a week ago today, her words exactly, "So, I need advice. I took 4 pregnancy test since Thur & all of them have been positive. Since Friday I have been spotting a little....So, I took a test Friday morning thinking it would be negative, but still positive. Ive been having cramps on & off and spotting. Should I go to urgent care or just wait till my apt next week? Please dont be mad!"
I immediatly broke this down into 2 different parts. The part where I thought...OH MY GOSH! Im going to be an Aunt again!! Instant smile! =) Then there was the part that I immediatly started a prayer...I prayed that my sister was NOT going thru what I have gone thru twice. I would NEVER wish a miscarriage on my worst enemy, much less my best friend, my sister.
1. An Aunt again!! For the 16th time?! YES, PLEASE! I love nothing better right now then being an Aunt to all these amazing kids!
2. I prayed, hard! I prayed that this bleeding & cramping was possibly implantation(knowing that it was nearly impossible) but thats what I wanted to believe. I prayed that my dear sister was not experiencing the heart break of losing a sweet baby. Although she has 3 beautiful boys, I prayed that this would be her dream come true...PINK! I prayed that this possibly was a TRUE miracle of a birth control baby, & that everything would turn out peachy keen.
She called me soon after the text & explained everything to me. I told her what both drs had preached to me. "Hows the bleeding? How strong are the cramps? Where are the cramps? yada, yada, yada!" I suggested that she call her dr, so thats what she did. Made an apt for Tuesday morning to get blood work & see the dr. I went with her, being the "brave" (so I thought) sister that I am. Dr came in & said that her HCG was 1,500...not bad for a very new pregnancy....I got that glimpse of hope back for her, hell, for myself. They scheduled more blood work & another office visit 48 hours later. Due to my bro-in-law having training that he couldnt get out of, I went with her again....
I thought I was stronger then I am~I caved! First lady(which I knew her hubby) that I saw walking out with the "IM PREGNANT" packet & big o'grin on her face...tears instantly filled my eyes. I toughened up best I could, b/c this day was not about me. Up to the office we go....in the waiting room having nice conversation with my sister, & they call her back. Not in the room but 5 minutes...here comes the dr. I could already tell by the look on his face when he walked into that room. Then those EVIL words spewed out of his mouth, "Well, Stephanie, your numbers have gone down to 1,200, it looks like you are starting to miscarry!" (flashbacks immediatly start flying thru my head, it hurt) She took the news like a champ! Just listened & repeatedly said "OK!" Dr heads out & tears just flow...out of both of us! She just lost her sweet little baby, & Ill I could do was cry. I couldnt even gather my self to tell her it would be ok, I couldnt even get up the nerve to give her a hug. I feel like an awful person for thinking about my past experiences in her time of need. I should have gotten up & hugged her until she was calm, I should have been the one to immediatly say "I LOVE YOU, STEPH, it'll be ok." I just sat there...looking at the ceiling & the counter...doing all that I could to avoid looking into her tearfilled eyes.
I know God works in mysterious ways, but why does He do this to the most deserving people? Im questioning this more then ever now...I need to find my Faith back....I have to!
I do know one thing that has come of this....that sweet baby is in Heaven with his 2 Angel~Baby Cousins, & a Grandma that is spoiling them more then anything! "If Heaven wasnt so far away..."
Hugs to you and your sister. You were so strong going in there with your sister and I know she was glad to have you there with her.
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